It's not just a bad date. It's so bad, it's a toxic date.
Don't worry, honey. You're not alone. Ina new online survey on "toxic dating," fully 35 percent of adult respondents say they have dated a "jerk," 33 percent have dated a "creep," and 18 percent have even dated a "witch." Overall, 21 percent of those surveyed have had dating experiences they describe as "toxic."
Getting involved with Mr. or Ms. Wrong is just too easy. According to a counselor, "There's this whole New Age thing going on that no one is to blame for anything. But the truth is that there are people out there in the dating pool who are toxic and who just should be yanked out of the dating game. It's best to just identify them and move on."
A substantial percentage of these undate-ables fall into the category of "toxic narcissists," says one therapist. These are people who are so self-focused and so self-absorbed, that they are essentially unable to relate to the needs of others in a dating situation, or even realize that those needs exist.
"These are people who feel the normal rules just don't apply to them," says one expert. Fully 35 percent of the surveyed said they had dated someone just like this.
Other Notables
• 55 percent have dated someone who lied to them.
• 49 percent have had their heart broken in a dating situation.
• 36 percent have been harmed emotionally by someone they dated.
• 25 percent have been harmed financially by someone they dated.
• 10 percent have been physically harmed by someone they dated.
"There's a world of hurt out there in the dating world for the unwary," says one adviser. "It's tempting to think that you can fix the bad personality traits of someone you are dating, but in certain extreme cases, the person is actually unfixable. In those situations, you are better off just learning how to identify these people, categorize what their problem is, and avoid them—focusing instead on the people you meet who offer meaningful relationship potential."
Here are 10 ways to help you identify Mr. or Ms. Wrong—that un-special someone who may be toxic to you. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you often feel as though you are doing most of the work to keep the relationship going and your partner happy?
2. Do you feel that nobody is thinking about you and what makes you happy?
3. Is your relationship completely organized around your partner's interests, schedules, and activities (or lack thereof)?
4. Do you feel controlled by your partner's up and down moods?
5. Do other people tell you that your partner is "difficult," "selfish," and "self-absorbed?"
6. Do you find yourself covering up for your partner's inappropriate behavior?
7. Is your partner making unilateral decisions that affect your life and well being?
8. Is your sense of safety and security regularly threatened by your partner's impulsive, selfish behavior?
9. Do you feel like a slave to your partner's ego?
10. Is everything always about your partner (with your needs and priorities obliterated)?