Boy enters bar and sees girl. Boy likes girl. Boy wants to flirt, but his heart is in his throat.
Boy buys beverage, avoids girl and makes a beeline for his chums at the pool table faster than you can say "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
The No.1 mistake men and women make in the flirting game, says dating and relationship author and expert, is to not approach a love match when your heart and hormones are prompting.
That said, here are 12 effective rules of flirting for the flirtatiously challenged.
• Make an eye contact.
• Repeat the contact. Flirter should make three contacts with a flirtee in 45 minutes or less. Environment does not matter — restaurant, bookstore, nightclub—but tactic does.
The point of initial contact is to get noticed for the right reasons. A smile. Eye contact. A walk-by with a meaningful glance. The second contact involves an actual exchange of words, usually a brief comment or, if you are bold, a compliment. The third contact is a conversation and the "defining moment" in a flirting scenario. (Hint: If you do not start a conversation, how can you ask them out?)
The best way to start gabbing is by sliding into an already existing discussion. Eavesdrop. Do not be afraid to chime in on Oprah, Enron or origami. When in doubt, ask what they do for a living and appear to be interested.
And if sparks do not instantaneously ignite, never fear. "People meet someone and they expect instant chemistry.
Those feelings are chemical; it is nature's way of getting couples together. Do not write someone off if you are not immediately attracted to them. You could be passing up your soul mate," says an expert.
• Smile.
• Have fun. It is normal to be nervous.
• Compliment from the neck and up (Hint: "Nice buns" remarks do not make friends.)
• Compose "zingers," or nonsexual lines that induce blushing. For example, "What a fabulous tie. Can I wear it?", or "Would you mind if I flirted with you?"
• Do not force conversation too soon.
• Do not get "too deep" in subject matter.
• Do not use four letter words. Adjectives like nice, good and fine are not fine, good or nice. Try to use descriptive expressions, especially when complimenting ("That color makes your eyes sparkle" vs. "Great sweater.").
• Do not use negative humor or sexual comments.
• Do not offer to buy a drink.
• Do not practice "drive-by flirting." One contact is not enough. Follow through and make a date.
Remember, flirting is supposed to be fun and good love is a good thing. "It's not love that makes people unhappy; it's people that make themselves unhappy," says a therapist. "It's the expectation that someone should love you exactly the way you want to be loved that makes people unhappy. Ask for 100 percent of what you want 100 percent of the time, but do not always expect to get it. Be prepared to negotiate.