I don't know which is worse: spending the holidays as a single, lonely Bridget Jones-type gal or breaking up with a significant other and greeting the New Year as a single, lonely Bridget Jones-type gal. Same difference, eh?
Whatever. But it is a fact that while December is one of the man-vest times in a year. it is also a period when many relationships disintegrate.
Why? You ask. Here is an analysis as to why and how one can avoid running into disaster in the relationship department this holiday season.
1. Communication breakdowns - Unfulfilled expectations and poor communication account for much of the seasonal increase in relationships problems. Throughout the year, people are busy pursuing their daily activities. But because they lack effective communication skills, they end up living past one another — each in their own world, building differing expectations of their life and relationships.
2. Why do so many problems arise over the holiday season? - There are two main reasons for this occurring. First, each person's expectations have been building throughout the year. Secondly, because the end of the year is such a significant event, each will also have their own expectations of what the holidays will mean for them. Then, when couples or families start spending more time with each other, the pressure of all the undelivered communication builds up and expectations are suddenly not met. Since the necessary skills to communicate properly are missing, the frequent results are arguments and break-ups. Without these skills, it is also so much more difficult to build bridges again, and so the break-up are more likely to remain permanent.
3. How can we learn to avoid this pattern? - Most people have only a vague idea of what they really want, so we first of all need to be honest with ourselves and decide what we really want. What are our hopes and dreams? Are they realistically achievable, or are they pie in the sky? Once we are clear on these, have we communicated them?
Here are five steps for helping improve communication and learning to build bridges:
1. Always be honest. Speak the truth — even if it is not what others may wish to hear.
2. Avoid blame. Just state the facts as you perceive them to be, while avoiding using language or tone of voice to blame or to score points.
3. Take responsibility for your part in what is happening. What is your role in creating the current situation — both past and present? We all have a part to play in whatever is happening in our lives.
4. Do not assume that you will be understood. We tend to think that whatever we say is always clear and obvious, but other people don't see things the same way as we do. So make allowances for everybody's limitations — both our limitations of statement, as well as their limitations in hearing.
5. Learn how to listen. Since true communication is always plagued by difficulties in the way we express ourselves, as well as how we perceive, it is easy to see how important it is for us to learn how to listen properly. Total listening means paying full and complete attention to everything the other is saying, their choice of words, body language, being aware of their emotional state, where they are coming from and why.
Only by listening in this way can we start to make true communication a reality and build happier and more fulfilling relationships.